Do you know that meme with 'good morning at the coffee table'? Leaving the jest aside, how is it that this meme raises a current issue – to view coffee as a delight rather than a stimulant that fuels our efficiency-focused minds, full of worries and responsibilities for the job that awaits us?

It seems that even in the sweet leisure of the morning, our entire focus is directed towards what we have to do. Contemporary societies are structured so that work is the priority of our lives. It almost resembles the title of a syrupy TV series: 'Work, my mistress'. No one has time anymore for daydreaming, for contemplation.

Whether we realize it or not, most of us dedicate approximately 90,000 hours of our adult lives to work-related activities.[1] That's how the world operates today. We might say that Shakespeare's spirit has died, considering his belief that 'When I do nothing, I am most active.'

With such a large part of our lives dedicated to our jobs, when do we have time for ourselves? Our schedule is already overloaded! Thus, it's understandable that our definition of identity has entered the narrow template of the job we have. In Template We Trust. We often reduce ourselves to the work we do. Theoretically, we know that the jobs or positions we hold in a corporation, government institution, NGO, or our own business should be viewed as simple extensions of ourselves, yet life takes its toll and we end up answering the question 'who am I?' with 'I'm an NGO worker, entrepreneur, corporate employee,' each depending on our paycheck.

This equivalence between self and job makes our self-esteem hang by a thin, extremely fragile thread conditioned by the achievements we accomplish. A captive self, dependent on someone else's standards, on factors beyond its control, becomes restless, as if constantly lagging behind, losing time, missing something important, which generates constant stress both at work and at home, leading to exhaustion (burnout), anxiety of failure, eating disorders, insomnia, panic attacks, and a sense of purposelessness.

A study conducted by Mental Health America in partnership with FlexJobs in 2020 shows that 75% of Americans have experienced burnout at work, and 40% of them experienced burnout during the pandemic.[2]

Caught up in our professional roles, we then develop flawed relationship patterns, devoid of intimacy, where we feel comfortable talking only about our work, and on a personal level, we become increasingly negligent with ourselves and somehow absent from our own lives.

Sometimes we manage to realize how we are emptying our identity, replacing it with daily work. We realize that we are not the numbers at the end of the year, nor the pay scales we fit into, nor the demands to do as much as possible in the shortest time. This awareness helps us lose the need to block our emotions, the bodily tension, and the feeling of worthlessness.

Other times, it is more difficult for us to identify the problems in our relationship with work, and we do not see any change as possible. Therefore, a discussion about what we are experiencing today can help us face tomorrow's future and build an identity based on essential qualities, which will not evaporate with a failure at work.

Studies focusing on the balance between work and personal life (Work-Life Balance) also highlight the importance of balancing work and family life (Work-Family Balance) and the balance between work and health (Work-Health Balance). A 2020 study shows that employees are much more interested in the balance between work and health (WHB) than in the balance between work and family life (WFB), thus emphasizing the importance of physical and mental health in the labor market.[3]

All these issues are increasingly frequent in my practice, so I have decided to publish a series of articles about our relationship with work, addressing topics such as prejudices against different professional categories, work-life balance, and workplace discrimination, in the hope that we can more easily discover the limiting beliefs and destructive ways of relating to ourselves and others.

The workplace does not provide us with enough resources to address such issues. In 2022, a study from the United Kingdom found that only 38% of HR employees believe that managers in their organization are capable of having sensitive conversations and guiding staff to professional help sources if necessary.[4]

Although our failures and negative experiences related to professional difficulties are deeply individual and distinct, they have in common the fact that they are influenced by macroeconomic and social realities beyond our control. My hope is that we will start a healthy discussion about work, identity, prejudices, and social relationships from which we can all benefit.

A primary issue is the total identification with the job that we have. We are the sum of the results and social status offered by our job.

When we equate our self with a business card, this 5×5 cm label, we risk nullifying our human potential, blocking our imagination, which alone opens the way to change, possible futures, problem-solving, giving us access to think about life preferences, ideals, desires, and allowing us the freedom to think about ourselves in various ways, and then to change our minds. It gives us freedom. In contrast, identifying with a position on a resume does the exact opposite: it can reduce us to the effects of an immediate present that ignores everything we have done so far and all the other things we are still capable of.

The function of a piece of paper that we hand out at every new meeting should be that of a contact, not an exposition of our self, perceived in the eyes of others as “what we do with our lives.” Our life is a continuous process of knowledge, practicing compassion, accumulating memories and wisdom, and it enriches itself on multiple levels besides the job we hold.

Psychological suffering arises especially when we are not in a professional position suited to our intellectual resources. Perhaps not in one that corresponds to our childhood dreams either. In such a context, a sense of failure, of missing out, of social inadequacy, of guilt, or fear of value-based criticism is born within us. All these perceptions confiscate our authenticity and implicitly block our ability to form natural relationships, to explore the power of our self in dialogue, to evoke our personal history that would bring appreciation and uniqueness.

In such difficult moments, when cognitive biases replace lucidity, it would be good to have an alarm that reminds us that sometimes we have reached a position of professional compromise out of the need for financial stability necessary to support ourselves and our family members, even if that job does not align with our values or passions. That the opportunities in the labor market are very limited, so we made the best decision given the circumstances. Such compromises are not a dead-end or a trap from which we cannot escape, overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and the idea of failure. It is just a stop from which we will soon depart, without affecting our capacity to seek the new and believe in it even before finding it. Without eating away at our zest for life.

A second issue to note is that of career orientation.

When deciding on a way to earn a living, the choices we make concern not only our education, training, skills, and desires but also the inherited prejudices about a particular work sector and its social representation. An important thing to keep in our consciousness to differentiate truth from speculations that can directly affect our choice of job is that stereotypes are simple products of current trends in society. They are fluctuating, admiring, or pejorative, depending on various economic, cultural, or political aspects. What was once flattering may have become irrelevant after the pandemic.

Therefore, if we let ourselves be defined by perceptions associated with jobs, our self-esteem can oscillate between overvaluation and undervaluation. We will oscillate between our brilliant, desirable image, applauded by the whole world, and the image of a person at the end of their rope, who no longer matters to society.

Thus, it is good to be aware of how much we can be influenced by others in choosing a field of work, including choosing a university to matter in the eyes of the world or not. We are encouraged by parents to work in so-called “lucrative” fields, but which also have a visible impact at the social level, while any other job or university alternative becomes a way to expose ourselves to problematic models of reception and significance of the concept of “work.” Some professions are still considered noble, but most work fields—especially those inaugurated relatively recently—are viewed with skepticism. In reality, these ideas are not objective evaluations, arising from scientific measurements, but are simple impressions that fall prey to certain circumstances.

Whether we identify with our job or choose a job based on prejudices, a flawed relationship with our work can lead us to abandon our individuality, damage our self-image, and dive into compulsive acts, such as cleaning, video gaming, baking at midnight. Or, conversely, we may become even more obsessively focused on finding the meaning of existence in work: why do we work? What do we contribute through our work? Whom do we benefit? When the world faces major events, does it still matter to continue “business as usual”? These are just a few of the questions that can stir us and whose answers can lead to depression, exhaustion, and psychological discomfort.

A 2021 study shows that, following the pandemic, 61% of employees who work from home and 53% of employees who work from the office or in the field find it difficult to disconnect from their job during their free time or after work hours.[5]

Sleep disorders, worries, and over-exhaustion that come from the symbiosis of work with identity leave their mark on us, but also on the filters through which we perceive reality: with greater irritability, lack of patience, frustration, and perhaps even an impulsive desire to quit or face unemployment. From a position where we can no longer give ourselves enough credit, it is hard not to end up in voluntary self-exploitation, driven by the pursuit of social perfection, of becoming visible in the eyes of the world, in a society of material "achievement."

In the beginning of this series, we will discuss the existing prejudices against people who work in different sectors, often labeled as "corporate workers" or "public sector employees." We will see how the consequences of internalizing prejudices related to our job affect us long term, both individually and socially. Additionally, we will explore what we can do psychologically to combat these psychological sufferings and lead a better life, without the imperative of "must," which sometimes translates within us into feelings of anguish, frustration, or exhaustion.

[1] Sitkus, C. (2017). One-third of your life is spent at work: Andrew Naber ’07 conducts research to make it better. Retrieved from: click

[2] Brie Wiler Reynolds. FlexJobs, Mental Health America Survey: Mental Health in the Workplace – url: click

[3] Gragnano A, Simbula S, Miglioretti M. Work-Life Balance: Weighing the Importance of Work-Family and Work-Health Balance. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020 Feb 1;17(3):907

[4] CIPD Good Work Index – url: click

[5] Threlkeld, Kristy. Employee Burnout Report: COVID-19’s Impact and 3 Strategies to Curb It – url:click